JOIN
There’s an old joke that goes: “First comes the engagement ring. Then comes the wedding ring. Then comes the suffering.” Here’s another snide one: “A wedding ring is the smallest handcuffs in the world.” These jokes are funny. But here’s the thing about these jokes: They’re best told by men who LOVE their relationships, LOVE their marriages, and LOVE their women. Why? Because then, it would be purely funny. It’s not done out of spite, which is a sign of insecurity. It’s like being so confident of your own masculinity that you can joke about it, you’re not fazed by jokes and jabs towards your masculinity, or wear a pink shirt solely because it’s comfortable and stylish. And so that’s another worthwhile goal to pursue to earn the right to say such jokes. And the best way to achieve that goal and earn that right is to understand and accept a simple fact: The courtship never ends.
Why do most divorces happen? Most cases
cite financial difficulty, infidelity, and other irreconcilable differences.
But I’d wager those are just symptoms of the deeper root cause of divorce. I’d
wager the courtship simply stopped at some point and that’s when the
relationship started to die. When you stop courting your woman, the courtship
gets replaced by a predictable routine and routine is the bane of all
attraction. When there’s no excitement, mystery, or drama there’s no attraction
to be had. So how do you keep the courtship going?
Here’s my advice. Always remember that
you’re in charge both of the relationship and of your own life. In a courtship,
you’re constantly trying to “win” her but at the same time, you can live
without her if you had to, because you have a bigger mission in life. Spend
enough time with her. Ideally, take her out twice a week like on a dinner after
work on Wednesday, then a more proper date on the weekend. But when you do
spend time with her, be fully present don’t multitask and divide your
attention. Learn to listen. Conversation is one of her deepest needs, and
you’ll want her to see you as the person she can trust the most. Don’t dismiss
or discourage her, or she’ll look to her girlfriends or other men for a
listening ear.
And lastly, you need to be an expert at
conflict resolution. You need to cultivate the superpower of being able to NOT
take things personally, and instead ask yourself: “What’s best for the
relationship right now?”
The Biggest Perk of an Endless Courtship
The good news? If you keep the courtship
going, then your relationship will never lose its sizzle. The “courtship never
ends” ideal becomes literal your relationship will stay as exciting and
rewarding as it was when you were still dating. That alone will make the extra
effort more than worth it
