DATING WORLD | The Five Love Languages

 

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I remember a friend who told me how, on their anniversary, he surprised his wife by decorating their apartment with roses real ones. There were rose bouquets, rose banners, rose petals in the wine ice bucket everything. When his wife came home, she was shocked then she started sneezing uncontrollably. Too late, my friend realized his wife was allergic to certain kinds of flowers, and those roses were one of them. Then she told him: “Thank you, but if you love me, please get rid of all these flowers.” And for the rest of the night, he hauled roses out of their apartment while his wife had to spend the night at a friend’s house.

When Love Goes Unappreciated

Have you ever given a huge show of love to a woman, like buying her an expensive gift, or doing her a huge favor that took a lot of effort, or giving her a big hug but she didn’t seem to appreciate it nearly as much as you expected her to? That’s painful. And it’s inexplicable you can’t explain why she would NOT appreciate something like that, and so you conclude that she doesn’t love you after all. Careful, though. It’s never good to jump to conclusions, especially when it comes to love and relationships.

Here’s why: Her “love language” might be different from yours.

What is a Love Language?

In case you haven’t heard of the five love languages before, they were developed and put forward by Gary Chapman in his 1995 book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. In the book, Chapman claims that there are five “love languages,” or preferred ways to express love to a romantic partner. These are:

1. Words of affirmation. This is when you show love by expressing it verbally, through compliments, or by thanking her for the smallest gestures.

2. Gifts. This is when you show your love by giving her gifts, big or small. This love language is where “the thought counts” the most.

3. Acts of service. This is when you show your love by DOING things for her. You take out the trash, you wash the dishes for her, or you let her take a nap while you take care of the baby.

4. Quality time. This is when you show your love by spending quality time with her. You’re fully present you give her your undivided attention while she tells you about her day, about what’s bothering her, and about her opinions in life.

5. Physical touch. This is when you show your love by hugging her, kissing her, tickling her, playing “tag,” or making passionate love to her. Chapman claims that every person has one primary love language and one secondary love language. Now, scientifically, Chapman’s claims can’t really be proven. But his book has remained popular for more than 20 years, and countless happy couples swear by it so it would be unwise to disregard the power of love languages.

What Love Languages Mean For Your Relationship

The key takeaway is this: There isn’t just one way to express love. There are many. And if you express your love in your preferred love language and your woman doesn’t seem to appreciate it as much as you expected then it’s probably because she doesn’t speak the same love language as you. That’s also true of her. If she expresses her love in her preferred love language and you don’t show as much appreciation as she expects then she might resent it and feel unloved. So you’ll need to do two things: Observe her closely and find out what her primary love language is.

You might even ask her directly if she has a preferred love language Chapman’s book has been around long enough that the idea of “love languages” is fairly common knowledge. You also need to communicate to her what YOUR preferred love language(s) are. Simply knowing what each other’s languages are just might save your relationship one day. So check yourself, and check your woman as well. What love languages do you speak? What adjustments do you need to make?

DATING WORLD | How Women Fall in Love How do men fall in love?

 

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The moment they see a sexy, “perfect ten” woman, they’re instantly ready to go. They’re ready to date her, sleep with her, and even commit their entire lives to them. In other words, we fall in love hard and fast. Women are very different.

Women fall in love more slowly. Before a woman can commit to you, she needs to trust you first. And there’s a good biological and social reason for that. For a woman, picking a guy to commit to will affect her life tremendously. She’s already dated hot-tempered, insecure, pushy, needy, or stalker-type men in the past. She wants to make sure you’re NOT like any of those losers before getting into a relationship with you. So what’s as guy to do?

Date her, for sure. But treat each date as the great Coach Corey Wayne defines it: “A date is a fun-filled romantic opportunity for sex to happen.” Here are three tips to put this bit of dating wisdom into practice:

Tip #1: Do not Complicate Things.

Coach Corey Wayne suggests you follow the “3 H’s” of dating: Hang out Have fun Hook up That’s it. Have all three elements in place, and you’re doing it right.

Tip #2: Don’t Lay Out All Your Cards.

Be mysterious. Be a puzzle she needs to figure out. The more mysterious you are about your true intentions, the more attracted she’ll be to you. In 2011, the University of Virginia showed a large number of college women a random set of four male students. Then each woman was told that: Some of the guys in the photos liked her a lot;

Some of the guys liked her a little; And some of the guys liked her either a lot or a little. (In other words, they weren’t sure.) You know the researchers found? The women were least attracted to the guys who liked them a little. The women were more attracted to the guys who liked them a lot. The women were MOST attracted to the guys whose feelings they couldn’t figure out. As it turns out, when a woman doesn’t know whether you like her a little or a lot, she’ll wonder about you more. The more she wonders, the more attracted she feels to you. So, don’t lay out all your cards in the beginning. Don’t rush the process and do not vomit up your feelings for her prematurely. Take her on one date per week, and call/chat with her no more than once a week.

If you do that (and follow the other tips in this book), you should get laid by the third or fourth date. You will only call a woman to ask her out on a date once per week, because this builds the anticipation, women need to wonder about you. They need to feel the feelings of awe and wonder. ‘When is he next going to call me?’ ‘Does he really like me?’ As mentioned earlier woman are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear, your being mysterious, indifferent and busy with your purpose is what will raise her level of attraction to you.

As the weeks go on she will not want to wait a whole week to hear from you and she will begin to contact you more frequently. This is where you want to be, the point where she is chasing you. All you have to do is focus on your purpose and when she reaches out to you, ALWAYS assume that she wants to see you and simply set the next date and get off the phone. The phone is for setting dates not getting to know each other, this kills the anticipation and lowers attraction.

 Tip #3: Women are Like Cats, Men are Like Dogs

When you push a friendly dog away, they keep coming back to you. We’re like that in dating, aren’t we? We’re used to rejection we just try and try again. Cats, on the other hand, come and go as they please. They don’t come when called they’ll come when they want to.

If you’ll notice, cats tend to warm up to the person in the room who doesn’t even like cats. Women are like that, too the more you show your true feelings, the more you chase them the less attracted they feel towards you. So take it easy. Treat her like you’d treat a cat.

You’ll want your relationship with her to move forward because it’s her idea because she’s curious enough about you to want to know you better. Until then, hold your ground. Have so much fun stuff going on in your life that you’re largely indifferent to whether women like you or not. If she is into you, great. If she is not, you’re no worse off than before. That’s how your mindset should be

DATING WORLD | DATING GIRLS

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