JOIN
Earlier in this book, you learned that every human being is hard-wired to do two things: To survive and to replicate. It’s the most basic driving force of humanity. It’s not sexy, but take either one out, and humanity would be extinct in two generations. The most beneficial way to achieve these two primal goals is by leading what I call a “give-and-give” relationship. Let me explain
Give-and-Givee vs. Give-and-Takee
There’s a pervasive idea in the dating
world where “a good relationship is give-and-take,” where both partners’ needs
are equally met by the other. Unfortunately, this is a false belief because
equality can never be achieved.
The
moment the “50-50” becomes “51-49,” resentment begins to seep in and the
resentment snowballs until the relationship breaks up. This belief has caused
countless failed relationships and marriages in the past century. It makes
people, men and women, enter relationships with a mindset of: “What’s in it for
me?” That’s why I recommend a different approach a “give-and-give
relationship.”
This is a relationship where both
partners are constantly giving of themselves to each other, regardless of
“equality.” As a result, there’s nothing to “take” from one another. THAT is
the right mindset to have. Wouldn’t you agree? Most men today go into
relationships with a “taking” mindset. They want what’s coming to them: Free
sex Higher status More sex The perk of becoming more attractive to other women
Even more sex Reminds you of the word “Player,” doesn’t it? My advice: Don’t
buy into the “give-and-take” philosophy. It’s a game that never ends. You’ll
end up broken and depressed, and so will the women you’ll fail. Instead,
understand that the purpose of getting into a relationship is to give.
Fair
warning: A relationship might be more challenging than you expect. It’s one
of the heaviest responsibilities you can ever shoulder but that’s no surprise
considering you’re keeping the species going. So here are a few tips to help
make the responsibility easier. You MUST cultivate the hunger to give. If your
life is still all about you and what you “get” out of it then no offense, bro,
but you still got some growing up to do. You MUST have your life set up. At the
very least, you got to be financially secure, with enough cash flowing into
your life to support your lifestyle and the lifestyle you want to create for
your relationship. That way, you’re psychologically and mechanically ready to
handle a relationship. After that, you’ll need to master the “art” of handling
a relationship and we’ll tackle that in the next Chapter.
One last question before that: What if
it’s too late for you? What if you DON’T have a giving mindset, and you DON’T
have your life set up but you’re already in a relationship? No worries. You’re
a human being, and that means you can still grow. You can still start
cultivating a giving mindset now, and you can still achieve financial security
now. It won’t be easy, that’s for sure. But then again, nothing worthwhile like
a lifelong relationship ever is.
